No photo for this one, just a train of thought which I'd like to catch a piece of.
If you had asked me this time last year to bet on which was more likely to happen and presented me with winning a lesser but substantial lottery (say, $50k) or being in a relationship so warm I would change my opinion on having kids and intentionally have one, I probably would have said the lottery was a good margin more likely. Of course, this time last year I had only just started talking to my soon-to-be wife online and we hadn't met in person yet. It seemed far fetched at that point that things even could develop the way they have.
People keep asking me if I'm nervous about any of it it, which I guess is understandable. These days it seems people fall into two camps mostly; those that date for years before finally getting married, and 'those people' that get married almost overnight. I just don't think it should be an arbitrary thing; when you know, you know. I had a pretty good idea very early on, and now I've known for a little over half a year. When I think to every relationship I've ever had, there was always some kind of imbalance of wants and needs. Things didn't line up, and that always led to someone being hurt or fearing being hurt. What was regarded as 'Love' came with all sorts of strings attached to unfulfilled needs. In that context, I did love, but in hindsight it didn't feel complete. There was something missing. When I figured out that the reason this felt so different, it brought much of my life into a better focus. When I pick up my feelings and examine them this time, they incorporate some of the best facets of every version of love I've ever experienced, and a whole load more that I hadn't before. All together, it tempered things in a way I had never anticipated.
I've also been asked if I'm nervous about the fact that I'll be a father later this year, despite spending the better part of 32 years saying I'd never have kids. I have to say I'm really not. It's profoundly life changing, and I'm sure that I'm underestimating that, but it is Right in the current context of my life. There was never before a time in my life where I would have been as prepared for it or as eager to experience it. The classic quote that the only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing seems relevant and worth remembering, if not entirely accurate in its common interpretation. More accurately translated, wisdom comes from in no way imagining that you know that which you do not know. I don't know my son yet; what will he like, what will he hate, what will pull at his passions, how will he overcome challenges...all of these things will be at least partially dependent on how Amy and I shape him. What I do know is that, much to my surprise, I'm already very attached to him well before he's actually entered the world. I also know that I really look forward to meeting him. I'm not nervous or worried in the least. It is my opinion that we will make fine parents and raise one interesting little person. If I have anything to say about it, he'll have many opportunities to nurture his creativity and curiosity, and if we're successful at instilling in him a little more urgency to find his passion and pursue it aggressively than I ended up with, he'll do great things, whatever he chooses to do.