And what have we learned at the end of another year? It's more important than ever gave it credit for in previous years to look back and weigh this question carefully. I began this project at the end of 2014 because I felt stagnant. I had an itch that had been neglected for years; I am a creator that was not creating. Photography, the one art that has moved my soul to both create and appreciate, had become a task. The only time I took my camera out was to document something. It was just work, there wasn't joy or wonder. When I did shoot, my shots were technically satisfactory, but none of them screamed to the heavens 'this is art, made for no other purpose than to be beautiful'. Even my beloved birds didn't speak to me as art in photographs, though many of them are quite beautiful.
There were areas of my life which I hadn't even considered to be stagnant when the project started. It had been a very long time since I had made new friends. It had been years since I had attended any college classes after the previous attempt very nearly made me consider suicide, or more accurately made me ask seriously what I hadn't considered it yet. These were well outside the scope of the project, but ultimately ended up being the most fulfilling accomplishments of the year.
Through 2015, I pursued the idea of not being apathetic to my life in many different ways. The project lost steam quite quickly, which seems unfortunate looking back at it. I went from forcing myself to take a photo daily, to not letting myself go more than a couple of days, to not letting myself go more than a week, and ultimately I just made updates once every few months, often without photos. I didn't make any progress on learning video editing, but that was perhaps a poor choice in the first place. I enjoy the fruits of the labor, but not the process of the labor when it comes to video.
Though the project suffered, I had signed up for school. SIUE had classes on my transcript which I had walked away from without dropping. My GPA had me on academic probation, and just as a mark of personal pride I decided at the last minute to fix that. I signed up for MATH 125 Trigonometry / Pre-Calculus as a night course over the summer. It was difficult, but I didn't skip a single class and came through with enough knowledge to pass with the highest grade I believe I've ever gotten in a math class (B). I continued this with CHEM 121 in the fall semester, which I also passed with a B, but more importantly I met someone that would fundamentally change my life for the better.
This amazing and beautiful woman is Natalie, and she has given me so many wonderful things since I met her in late August. In getting to know her, I got to know myself in ways I never anticipated. I relearned what it is to love someone for who they are, something which I had not experienced for years. Her passion for art rekindled the flame for photography which I had let extinguish itself through my own neglect. Natalie enticed me to leave the house and break out of my comfort zone, and I have had more positive experiences out in the world over the last 3 months than I feel I had in the previous 3 years. We have seen live music, I have made new friends, we have created art together, and had many long conversations which have made me think and challenge ideas which I had never properly analyzed before.
For 2016 I will continue to build on things, both learned anew and relearned, and progress through life in the way that only I can. Perhaps it's cryptic, but perhaps that's why I consider it a small gem of wisdom that I have unlocked recently. "It would be a shame to leave any life left unlived. Go travel". Thank you my dearest Natalie. I look forward to all of our future adventures and travels with eager anticipation.